Recent findings show that nearly 40% of marriages in the United States end in divorce or annulment. According to the National Center for Health Statistics (CDC.gov/nchs/), while there were 2.2 million marriages in 2007, 856,000 couples divorced or had their marriage annulled. There are many different reasons why someone decides to divorce his or her spouse, the most common of which are adultery and money problems. Ironically, many of these marriages may have been saved by keeping the fire burning in the relationship.
Once that fire dies out it becomes very difficult, and oftentimes impossible, to rekindle. That is why couples need to work hard at keeping the fire burning in their marriage right from the beginning. Most newlyweds and new couples have no problem with this since they are still at the stage of discovering each other in the romantic sense. But as the years go by and the babies arrive, many couples start to spend less and less alone time together, putting more of their attention on raising a family and having a career. Of course, family and work are important but it is crucial that couples continue to spend romantic time together as often as they can. Even if they are both very busy at work and at home, there are small things that a couple can do to express their love — holding hands, kissing or cuddling, and talking about each other’s day.
Couples can and should still go out on dates even if they have children. This is a very significant part of keeping the fire alive and burning in a relationship. A couple needs to spend some away time from the kids. Doing so does not mean they love their children less. Ask couples who have been happily married for many years what their secret is to having been married a long time and one of their answers would be probably be having a regular date night. Going out on a date need not always mean a candlelit dinner with wine and violin music, although that is a nice occasional treat. It can be a simple movie and dinner date, or something as goofy as going to the carnival and eating cotton candy. It doesn’t really matter what couples do as long as they enjoy each other.
Another great way couples can keep the fire burning in their marriage is to compromise. It is important for a husband and wife to remember that they are different from each other, and it is because of this that the relationship clicked in the first place. Couples need to realize that each one has something to offer to his or her spouse. And by compromising they can grow and develop both as individuals and as a couple. Couples also need to realize it won’t always be easy to keep the romantic fire alive in their marriage. There are going to be times when they need to exert more effort than usual, especially when problems with the children, work, or money arise and the arguments become more and more frequent. The trick is to not let the arguments blow out of proportion. Couples need to learn to take some time to cool down and talk to each other in a loving and constructive way.
Finally, couples should try to do something new together every once in a while. Falling into a comfortable routine is one of the surest ways to put out the fire in a relationship. By infusing a little bit of excitement and variety into the marriage, couples can expect the romance, and more importantly the marriage, to last much longer.
