written by Roz Andrews
Do you remember the person that you were before you had children? Was he or she much different from the person that you are today? If the answer to the second question is “yes,” perhaps you have become too caught up in the task of parenting and lost sight of your individuality.
Some parents are focused on their children to the extent that they lose their own identity. They neglect themselves so much that they cease to regard themselves as an individual and the person that they used to be becomes lost. This is not a healthy way to live and can lead to anxiety, depression and other difficulties.
Parenthood is the most demanding job there is and it can be very hard to find time to meet your own physical and emotional needs, especially if you work outside the home and have more than one child. However, it is very important that you set aside some time to meet your own needs, if you are to remain a happy and successful parent.
You should not feel guilty about taking time out for yourself if you are a parent. In fact, the reverse should be true – you should be alert to the fact that making no time at all for yourself, your partner, your interests and your friends can adversely affect your ability to parent your children.
Try to find a balance between spending time with your partner (if you have one) without your children, spending time with your friends (without your partner), and spending time alone pursuing solitary interests. Try to incorporate at least one form of exercise into your weekly routine, whether it is going to a dance lesson with your partner, running with a friend, or a gym session by yourself.
After taking time out to pursue your own interests and enjoy adult company, you will feel refreshed when you come back to the task of parenting. You will have more patience and your personal satisfaction will be transmitted to your children. Your short temper should have disappeared, and your children will benefit from a more relaxed environment.
If you do not make adequate time for yourself, you may be irritable with your children or feel tired or depressed, both of which can adversely affect your ability to be a good parent. If you continue to neglect yourself, you run the risk of developing burnout syndrome in the longer term.
If your children see that you are a happy, healthy and well-rounded individual who regards his or her own self-development as important, they too will learn how to develop a balanced personality and they will grow into adults with a high level of self-esteem.
If, however, children live with tired, depressed and burnt-out parents, they run the risk of adopting similar characteristics that may affect them for the rest of their lives.
So, no matter how full your diary already is, schedule some “me-time” each week. Not only will you benefit, but your partner and children will thank you for it.
