written by Roz Andrews

Do you remember the person that you were before you had children? Was he or she much different from the person that you are today? If the answer to the second question is “yes,” perhaps you have become too caught up in the task of parenting and lost sight of your individuality.

Some parents are focused on their children to the extent that they lose their own identity. They neglect themselves so much that they cease to regard themselves as an individual and the person that they used to be becomes lost. This is not a healthy way to live and can lead to anxiety, depression and other difficulties.

Parenthood is the most demanding job there is and it can be very hard to find time to meet your own physical and emotional needs, especially if you work outside the home and have more than one child. However, it is very important that you set aside some time to meet your own needs, if you are to remain a happy and successful parent.

You should not feel guilty about taking time out for yourself if you are a parent. In fact, the reverse should be true – you should be alert to the fact that making no time at all for yourself, your partner, your interests and your friends can adversely affect your ability to parent your children.

Try to find a balance between spending time with your partner (if you have one) without your children, spending time with your friends (without your partner), and spending time alone pursuing solitary interests. Try to incorporate at least one form of exercise into your weekly routine, whether it is going to a dance lesson with your partner, running with a friend, or a gym session by yourself.

After taking time out to pursue your own interests and enjoy adult company, you will feel refreshed when you come back to the task of parenting. You will have more patience and your personal satisfaction will be transmitted to your children. Your short temper should have disappeared, and your children will benefit from a more relaxed environment.

If you do not make adequate time for yourself, you may be irritable with your children or feel tired or depressed, both of which can adversely affect your ability to be a good parent. If you continue to neglect yourself, you run the risk of developing burnout syndrome in the longer term.

If your children see that you are a happy, healthy and well-rounded individual who regards his or her own self-development as important, they too will learn how to develop a balanced personality and they will grow into adults with a high level of self-esteem.

If, however, children live with tired, depressed and burnt-out parents, they run the risk of adopting similar characteristics that may affect them for the rest of their lives.

So, no matter how full your diary already is, schedule some “me-time” each week. Not only will you benefit, but your partner and children will thank you for it.

Recent findings show that nearly 40% of marriages in the United States end in divorce or annulment. According to the National Center for Health Statistics (CDC.gov/nchs/), while there were 2.2 million marriages in 2007, 856,000 couples divorced or had their marriage annulled. There are many different reasons why someone decides to divorce his or her spouse, the most common of which are adultery and money problems. Ironically, many of these marriages may have been saved by keeping the fire burning in the relationship.

Once that fire dies out it becomes very difficult, and oftentimes impossible, to rekindle. That is why couples need to work hard at keeping the fire burning in their marriage right from the beginning. Most newlyweds and new couples have no problem with this since they are still at the stage of discovering each other in the romantic sense. But as the years go by and the babies arrive, many couples start to spend less and less alone time together, putting more of their attention on raising a family and having a career. Of course, family and work are important but it is crucial that couples continue to spend romantic time together as often as they can. Even if they are both very busy at work and at home, there are small things that a couple can do to express their love — holding hands, kissing or cuddling, and talking about each other’s day.

Couples can and should still go out on dates even if they have children. This is a very significant part of keeping the fire alive and burning in a relationship. A couple needs to spend some away time from the kids. Doing so does not mean they love their children less. Ask couples who have been happily married for many years what their secret is to having been married a long time and one of their answers would be probably be having a regular date night. Going out on a date need not always mean a candlelit dinner with wine and violin music, although that is a nice occasional treat. It can be a simple movie and dinner date, or something as goofy as going to the carnival and eating cotton candy. It doesn’t really matter what couples do as long as they enjoy each other.

Another great way couples can keep the fire burning in their marriage is to compromise. It is important for a husband and wife to remember that they are different from each other, and it is because of this that the relationship clicked in the first place. Couples need to realize that each one has something to offer to his or her spouse. And by compromising they can grow and develop both as individuals and as a couple. Couples also need to realize it won’t always be easy to keep the romantic fire alive in their marriage. There are going to be times when they need to exert more effort than usual, especially when problems with the children, work, or money arise and the arguments become more and more frequent. The trick is to not let the arguments blow out of proportion. Couples need to learn to take some time to cool down and talk to each other in a loving and constructive way.

Finally, couples should try to do something new together every once in a while. Falling into a comfortable routine is one of the surest ways to put out the fire in a relationship. By infusing a little bit of excitement and variety into the marriage, couples can expect the romance, and more importantly the marriage, to last much longer.

Achieving a goal is difficult enough if it is not mapped out, but it is more difficult still if it is not real enough. Successful people make their goals real through emotion. They involve their senses. They create images and pictures of success and accomplishment. It’s those pictures that supply them with the incentive to stay the course until they’ve accomplished what they set out to do.

If you have any hope of reaching your goals you must involve your senses. They can be a powerful tool, motivating you and creating the self-discipline you need.

One of the best methods to create your vision is to write a vision statement in a journal or diary. This process takes time, but is well worth the effort. You should write with conviction. Write as if you were creating a picture. For example, if your dream is to lose weight, you should write down how you will feel once you’ve shed those pounds. Use your imagination and picture that future slim you as you gaze at it in your mirror. See yourself fitting into those old clothes you used to wear. Hear the accolades of your friends as they comment on your appearance at the office and social events. Imagine how good food will taste and smell.

You should put into your vision statement all the advantages of losing those pounds like avoiding diabetes and heart disease. Include things like how much money you will save when you eat out less often and avoid the fast food joints. Use your imagination and list all those rewards and advantages you can think of. Then write down the disadvantages and compare the two lists.

Once you’ve written down your vision, include some photographs or illustrations of those people you admire who have achieved what you hope to accomplish. Cut out those photos and put them into your journal or scrapbook. Write out positive statements to yourself and post them throughout the house wherever you can see them. This technique works well no matter what your goal may be.

Fill in the details of the steps you need to take to reach your goal. Include those items that hold you back. If weight loss is what you’re after, you may want to take cooking classes to learn how to cook nutritious and low calorie foods. Put down the nutritionists and dietitians you need to work with to help  you lose weight. Include the clubs, associations and support groups that can assist you.

Get involved with those friends and associations that have the same goals in mind. Companionship and company help to build a sensory rich experience. They make your goal both real and achievable.

Constantly read your vision statement every day. What you want to do is internalize it. You want to instruct your subconscious that you will achieve the goals you set. And the only way to do it is through constant repetition and practice. Once you’ve internalized your goals, your subconscious will go to work to open up possibilities. It becomes easier to achieve when you believe in your goals.

Never give up. Perseverance is a major key to success in any endeavor. There will always be times when you will want to give up. Setbacks and failures will happen, but they should never deter you from achieving your goal. Only a strong vision filled with emotion will help carry you through those difficult periods. Remind yourself that you are not perfect and it is okay to expect some setbacks. Nothing worthwhile ever comes without effort and many failures.

Creating a sensory rich vision will help you develop self-discipline. It’s a key ingredient that determines how successful your outcome will be. So involve your senses and your emotions as you work toward your goal.

Does a parent really have a choice? Parents often feel cornered into an unhealthy dynamic with their child in their efforts to be supportive and present. Unfortunately, homework becomes a family drama and a difficult hurdle night after night. Here are some practical approaches on how to handle the homework problem.

Homework is often a dreaded word not only because it requires your son or daughter to give up hours of time earmarked for recreation, adventure or video gaming but because it will involve you, parent as police officer. While some parents manage this task quite well and can be commended for their teaching skills, their patience and their devotion, many others are overwhelmed by the ongoing task of keeping their child compliant and unknowingly begin a stressful dynamic that neither the parent nor the child enjoys. Homework becomes a job.

To free yourself from your child’s homework and to make your child the best student he can be, it is important to recognize that the dependency starts early. What may appear as your genuine support and your sincere efforts to help strengthen your child’s time management skills is in fact subtle confirmation that your child can not do it alone or at least not without tremendous prodding, reminding, begging, yelling, screaming or threatening from you. The irony about the parent as “homework supporter” is that the support often makes both feel antagonized.

It starts in kindergarten. Teachers and school officials may even send notices home instructing you to help your child complete his or her homework. The likely impulse from any concerned parent who wants to keep his child intellectually stimulated and at the head of the class is to help. Parents often construe these instructions from school administrators, who are trying to manage hundreds if not thousands of children, as the best advice for your individual child. But for some children it does not work. If your child is not a special needs student but is showing signs of disinterest, strong dislike or frustration about school or homework, it’s time to try a different approach. The more input the student receives from elders, both in and outside of the classroom, the less in command of the material your child may be willing to become. Many students and developing minds need space. Allow your child to have some room.

Teachers are open to parents who question the conventional attitudes towards homework. Should the parent really be involved? Isn’t homework between the student and the teacher? Shouldn’t the student have grasped in the classroom all the concepts needed to complete the homework? Having an open discussion with your child’s teachers about homework can help you establish a better game plan.

You can notify your teacher that she should grade your child accordingly based on the homework he turns in without your guidance or execution. It is not about your lack of care. It is about you and your child, and the healthy routine you wish to establish and the independence you care to nurture. If your student excels, it’s about him and his efforts alone. If he lags behind, it’s about him and not about his resentment or rebellion towards you.

If your child is being assigned homework in kindergarten, you can start the practice of not doing your child’s homework. Encourage your child by letting him know that you are interested in seeing his workbooks. If he offers you a homework sheet, review it but don’t do it. The younger the child, the more readily he will understand and accept that you will not be there to walk him through homework each night. If he panics, tell him not to worry. What is the worst thing that will happen if your child does not complete his kindergarten homework? Or his fifth grade homework?

He will soon understand that it behooves him to practice. He will soon appreciate that he can master the material on his own. He will soon understand that home exercises can reinforce what he is learning in the classroom. He will respect you for allowing him to have full control over his chief responsibilities. By honoring his choices, plenty of which will be mistaken, and by being sympathetic to the manner in which he is learning how to manage his busy day, you will allow him to grow and you will reap the rewards of a motivated child who thrives, loves learning, and enjoys school.

written by J. A. Young

You don’t have to visit Paris, London, or even New York to become culturally sophisticated and sensitive to global matters.  Raising children today still involves soccer, baseball, ballet, and similar pursuits, but introducing culturally significant resources to your child from an early age on can give them a worldly perspective that is important in today’s world.  The following article explores ways to incorporate various kinds of culturally relevant resources and activities into your child’s life.

Sometimes parents forget that they have a passport to other cultures via their library card.  Public libraries contain a wealth of resources that support education at all age levels.  Encouraging your child to make their own selections is important, but it’s also important to choose a book or two you can share together.  One week you might read about Chinese New Year and the next you might read about the canals of Venice.  Library books can allow you to visit and obtain knowledge about places throughout the world without have to get on a plane.  The best part—library cards are essentially free (after you pay taxes).

Film is another great way to see the world.  Cartoons and most animated movies are fun for kids, but incorporating some educational films is essential for raising a globally-savvy child.  Watch films that are set in other countries.  These convey the reality of other places by way of an interesting storyline.  Older children may certainly enjoy travel documentaries of places and people around the world.  There is a large body of award-winning films that showcase life in other nations and throughout history.  Start with Rabbit-Proof Fence and Going to School in India and have discussions afterward.  Pair an ethnic meal that corresponds with your selected film.

It might be fun to invite your child’s friends over for cultural movies and meals.  Pair a film about China’s Forbidden City with a trip to Chinatown or some Chinese take-out.  Watch Hope and Glory, a film about growing up in London during the bombings of WWII and enjoy it with fish and chips.  There are lots of fun ways enjoy educational films.  Pairing a meal with it shows children that this is important enough to become an evening’s event.

Cultural education can also be paired with activity.  For example, reading about the life of Mexican artist Frieda Kahlo could precede an art session.  If you live near a city, take time to visit museums, art galleries, or historical societies.  Schools usually take field trips merely a couple times a year so it is important for parents to take their children to places that support learning.  If the theatre is too expensive, be sure to see plays put on at the local high school.

Encourage your kids to use the internet to learn about their world.  Sites like globalschoolnet.org can help kids from around the world to link up.  But there are endless possibilities for engaging in global awareness on the internet.  Kids can find pen pals or simply research their own interests.  Work with your child to ensure online safety and search on your own for globally relevant sites.

In today’s economic climate it is not always easy to take time for travel.  But it is worthwhile to visit the world through the discussed resources.  Libraries, theaters, museums—even the internet are ideal places for kids to see the larger world around them in terms of cultural contributions.  Children are natural learners and parents are the most influential of teachers.  You can incorporate cultural education into your child’s life in a way that is enjoyable for them and for you.